It would be almost impossible for me to understand faith if I somehow overlooked the notion of fear. I am not sure whether to call fear my friend or foe. For I bear witness of her presence many a days, living in the midst of her wicked stares. If there were any resource that I did not run out of, it would surely be fear. I have sat with fear for so long, that I can practically characterize her. I know her and she knows me. Fear has no problem searching me out. So, I thought it a fun topic to explore.
Illusion versus Reality
Fear. One thing about fear, that I have learnt about her is that she seeks and sets out to devour the one who holds much of the imaginative mind. Fear searches the imaginative mind and uses it to her advantage to leverage her foul ways. You see, fear lets the substrate allow itself to experience fear generated by that said substrate. In other words, it would be almost useless if the person was not inclined to generate his own fears.
Put differently, we become what we think about the most. What fear does is inject a pre-thought or a precept, hoping that the subject would string his own thought to that pre-thought to bring about a really fearful thought. It is for this reason, that one may fear the shadows of the night, than the shadows of the day. Or worse, one may even fear the shadows of his inner man. The more blurred man’s vision gets, the more fear is driven into his being. The more uncertain a man thinks himself, the more fear penetrates into his inner being. The more confused a man gets, the more fearful he becomes. Man holds secrets in his heart and it is his dreams that reveal to him that which he holds most dear. Man’s nightmares instruct him on the things that scares him the most.
What you see in dreams are only reflections: a person sees his own image. (Sirach 34: 3)
And at night, when we lie down we have fresh worries: scarcely are we at rest and asleep when we are troubled by dreams as vivid as if it were day and we were fleeing from a battle. When it is time to wake up, we feel surprised to find that there is nothing to fear. (Sirach 40:5-7)
Now, it is almost always the case that we generally believe the stories that we tell ourselves. Persons are more generally inclined to believe and trust their own thoughts and imaginations. This is for them, their life’s perception. Fear takes advantage of this bias, to inject into that man, thoughts and perhaps feelings that may seem to hold true for the subject, but may not necessarily be even true at all. Fear makes ‘unfair’ use of life’s probabilities and outcomes.
Do not seek what is beyond your powers nor search into what is beyond your ability. Reflect on what you are commanded to do; there is no need for you to know things that are hidden. Do not tire yourself in resolving useless questions since the knowledge you already have goes beyond human understanding. For many have been led astray by their personal theories and false pretension has undermined reason. (Sirach 3: 21-24).
There are those who exhaust themselves, tire themselves out and become anxious, yet in the end they are only the poorer. (Sirach 11: 11)
Prudence, then, must be given to much thought. For this is but one snare that one may easily fall into solely because of the ‘worrying mind’. I ponder on this for the moment. This highlights for me the influential force of fear. Sometimes fear drives action, just as faith does. Fear, however, may lead one to react in such manner to yield a seemingly unfavourable outcome for the holder of that fear.
To be afraid of people is a trap; but whoever trust in Yahweh will be safe. (Proverbs 29: 25)
One loses his soul out of a false shame; he loses himself for fear of what a foolish man thinks. Out of false shame he wants to win a friend; he gets an enemy, in fact, for nothing. (Sirach 20: 22,23)
I now ask myself, how does one know what is sound from what is not sound, if he himself may not be trustworthy to trust his own thoughts and imaginations? How does man’s mind remain fully filtered from his own thoughts and machinations?
How can young people remain pure? By living according to your word. I seek You with my whole heart; let me not stray from your commands. (Psalm 119: 9,10)
You word is a lamp to my feet, a light for my path. (Psalm 119: 105)
Though man works really hard to keep his mind free and fully filtered from his adulterous thoughts, almost always there exists his blind spot. Man may see a few things, but he is just not able to see EVERYTHING. Man therefore has no choice, but to follow life’s Law such that he is able to traverse his life while still remaining firm. Once man makes a move that steps outside of the Law, there he finds much fear. Fear then makes use of ‘unfair’ advantage to trap this man’s mind in his very thoughts.
Such is the one who fears the Lord; whoever embraces the Law will obtain wisdom. She will come out to meet him like a mother and greet him like a virgin bride; she will feed him with the bread of understanding and give him the water of wisdom to drink. He will rely on her and will not waver; he will lean on her and will not be let down. (Sirach 15: 1- 4)
Clearly, it may be witnessed from my pieces of writing, the writing on the wall. I had an attachment style to failure. It seems as though much of my fear had to do with my failures. Perfectionist much? I really do not know. Perhaps I have performance anxiety. Maybe shy? There is clearly a social barrier or challenge in the mix of my fears. I beat about the bush! I do not think my fear is found with failure. I do not mind failing a million times. For me, failure actually drives learning. I know exactly what I am afraid of. I am afraid to stand alone. I am afraid to walk alone. Though I have done this for many a days, there is still that fear to be confident in my own skin and wear the cloth that I was furnished with. I fear to truly take up my space in time to truly walk alone, and feel and embrace it and embrace my path and enjoy every minute of it. I am afraid to express who I am. I can only pray to become one with my set path. I work to be free of guilt and shame. I am also afraid to lead. This is my fear. I have always been afraid of taking the lead, in fear that I may unknowingly lead another astray. I am afraid of influencing. This deeply scares me. In social contexts, I withdraw.
So, what exactly does fear feel like? I reflect on my experience.
There is something very peculiar that I have witnessed throughout my life. I usually am able to sense that ‘impending fear’ coming on. Prior to that fearful experience, my body bears witness to a few ‘symptoms’ that it seems almost psychic. I experience physiological changes in specific parts of the body that picks up fear or the nearness of that fear before its onset. I really can’t make these things up. I suppose everyone feels fear differently and I would perhaps assume that what really matters more is the content of the heart that reflects back to the person the type of fear that he holds. It is a really subjective observation.
Now, at this point, I much rather explore thoughts to provoke the idea of fear for the while. Fear is not all bad. It actually may help one to make better, someone’s way of preparation. Fear injects a tinge of excitement. Sometimes even, fear gets the job done. I suppose that I have learnt that fear should be a negative thing. But is it really? Can one still go through the experience of fear and through understanding not see it as all doom and gloom?
To reach the other side of fear, is that willingness to challenge the experiences of outcomes.
So, what exactly does fear look like to me?
Fear incapacitates
Fear seduces
Fear tantalizes, cornering it’s prey moving in for the kill
Fear divides
Fear shows no remorse
Fear is subtle
Fear is mightily patient, waiting for its next attack
Fear is unrelenting, there is no limit or height it moves through
Fear ridicules what it does not yet comprehend
Fear isolates
Fear challenges
Fear rides on the horse of pride
Fear never becomes satiated
But now I ask the question...
How can one say he has conquered fear when he cannot even look fear in the eyes?
I sit with myself on numerous occasions, holding fear in the mind. It then occurred to me. When I toy with the idea of overcoming fear, the common thought is for man to do or perform the event which he perceived as his source of the fear.
I now challenge this thought. I play with the idea that in order for fear to be overcome, one must sit with actual fear; fear itself. Not so much that he must show that he does the seemingly fearful event to overcome such an emotion but that he sits with his fearful emotion long enough until he overcomes.
It is then that other thoughts on fear came to mind.
Fear makes one patient
Fear makes one humble
Fear makes one meek
Fear makes one disciplined
Fear forces one to learn wisdom’s ways
Fear causes one to receive much understanding
Fear forces one to endure
Fear trains one for war
Fear inures
Fear forces that one to rely on what most cannot see
Fear forces that one to confront his inner man
Fear forces purpose
Fear forces that one to seek his faith
Fear is faith in the making
From the depths of fear’s mind, man is able to draw out his conquering sword of faith
If one sits long enough with fear, one realizes that it forces him to utilize his faith in order that fear itself be overcome.
Fear itself forces faith to be expressed.
The end of fear is the beginning of man’s faith.
When one finally gives in to fear, then and only then, can faith take its place.
I now see that one must first give in, in order to conquer.
Then it hit me. Sometimes, fear is the refining or pruning tool that man’s Maker uses on man in order to change him to what his Maker had originally designed him to be.
Fear was never meant to harm us, but rather to experience the flames of the furnace such that man turns from his fleshly desires and that instead his heart be more postured towards his Maker, living according to the design made by his Maker.
Fear acts as that sieve that is passed through man that he be washed clean of his impurities.
Who can bear the day of his coming and remain standing when He appears? For He will be like fire in the foundry and like the lye used for bleaching. He will be as a refiner or a fuller. He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver. So Yahweh will have priests who will present the offering as it should be. (Joel 3:2,3)
I am the true vine and my Father is the vinegrower. If any of my branches doesn’t bear fruit, He breaks it off; and He prunes every branch that does bear fruit, that it may bear even more fruit. You are already made clean by the word I have spoken to you; live in Me as I live in you. The branch cannot bear fruit by itself but has to remain part of the vine; so neither can you if you don’t remain in Me. (John 15: 1-3)
I advise you to buy from me gold that has been tested by fire, so that you may be rich, and white clothes to wear so that your nakedness may not shame you, and ointment for your eyes that you may see. I reprimand and correct all those I love. Be earnest and change your ways. (Revelation 3: 18,19)
My son, it you have decided to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials. Keep your heart upright and remain resolute; do not be upset in the time of adversity. (Sirach 2: 1,2)
Accept all that happens to you, be patient when you are humbled, for as gold is tested in the fire, so those acceptable to God are tested in the crucible of humiliation. (Sirach: 4,5)
A person who has not had trials knows very little. But the travelled man is competent in many ways. I have made discoveries on my travels and understood more than I can express. I have often been in danger but have been saved thanks to my experience. (Sirach 34: 10-12)
The spirit of those who fear the Lord is in dread of nothing. He will not be cowardly for He is his hope. He who fears the Lord is a happy person. To whom does he turn? Who is his support? (Sirach 34: 14,15)
The eyes of the Lord are on those who love Him. For them He is powerful protection, strong support, shelter against scorching wind and the midday sun. He is a safeguard against stumbling and assurance against a fall. He lifts up the soul and gives a sparkle to the eyes; he gives healing, life and blessing. (Sirach 34: 16,17)
He allows those who repent to return; He comforts those whose hopes are fading. (Sirach 17: 24)
Illusion versus Reality
Fear. One thing about fear, that I have learnt about her is that she seeks and sets out to devour the one who holds much of the imaginative mind. Fear searches the imaginative mind and uses it to her advantage to leverage her foul ways. You see, fear lets the substrate allow itself to experience fear generated by that said substrate. In other words, it would be almost useless if the person was not inclined to generate his own fears.
Put differently, we become what we think about the most. What fear does is inject a pre-thought or a precept, hoping that the subject would string his own thought to that pre-thought to bring about a really fearful thought. It is for this reason, that one may fear the shadows of the night, than the shadows of the day. Or worse, one may even fear the shadows of his inner man. The more blurred man’s vision gets, the more fear is driven into his being. The more uncertain a man thinks himself, the more fear penetrates into his inner being. The more confused a man gets, the more fearful he becomes. Man holds secrets in his heart and it is his dreams that reveal to him that which he holds most dear. Man’s nightmares instruct him on the things that scares him the most.
What you see in dreams are only reflections: a person sees his own image. (Sirach 34: 3)
And at night, when we lie down we have fresh worries: scarcely are we at rest and asleep when we are troubled by dreams as vivid as if it were day and we were fleeing from a battle. When it is time to wake up, we feel surprised to find that there is nothing to fear. (Sirach 40:5-7)
Now, it is almost always the case that we generally believe the stories that we tell ourselves. Persons are more generally inclined to believe and trust their own thoughts and imaginations. This is for them, their life’s perception. Fear takes advantage of this bias, to inject into that man, thoughts and perhaps feelings that may seem to hold true for the subject, but may not necessarily be even true at all. Fear makes ‘unfair’ use of life’s probabilities and outcomes.
Do not seek what is beyond your powers nor search into what is beyond your ability. Reflect on what you are commanded to do; there is no need for you to know things that are hidden. Do not tire yourself in resolving useless questions since the knowledge you already have goes beyond human understanding. For many have been led astray by their personal theories and false pretension has undermined reason. (Sirach 3: 21-24).
There are those who exhaust themselves, tire themselves out and become anxious, yet in the end they are only the poorer. (Sirach 11: 11)
Prudence, then, must be given to much thought. For this is but one snare that one may easily fall into solely because of the ‘worrying mind’. I ponder on this for the moment. This highlights for me the influential force of fear. Sometimes fear drives action, just as faith does. Fear, however, may lead one to react in such manner to yield a seemingly unfavourable outcome for the holder of that fear.
To be afraid of people is a trap; but whoever trust in Yahweh will be safe. (Proverbs 29: 25)
One loses his soul out of a false shame; he loses himself for fear of what a foolish man thinks. Out of false shame he wants to win a friend; he gets an enemy, in fact, for nothing. (Sirach 20: 22,23)
I now ask myself, how does one know what is sound from what is not sound, if he himself may not be trustworthy to trust his own thoughts and imaginations? How does man’s mind remain fully filtered from his own thoughts and machinations?
How can young people remain pure? By living according to your word. I seek You with my whole heart; let me not stray from your commands. (Psalm 119: 9,10)
You word is a lamp to my feet, a light for my path. (Psalm 119: 105)
Though man works really hard to keep his mind free and fully filtered from his adulterous thoughts, almost always there exists his blind spot. Man may see a few things, but he is just not able to see EVERYTHING. Man therefore has no choice, but to follow life’s Law such that he is able to traverse his life while still remaining firm. Once man makes a move that steps outside of the Law, there he finds much fear. Fear then makes use of ‘unfair’ advantage to trap this man’s mind in his very thoughts.
Such is the one who fears the Lord; whoever embraces the Law will obtain wisdom. She will come out to meet him like a mother and greet him like a virgin bride; she will feed him with the bread of understanding and give him the water of wisdom to drink. He will rely on her and will not waver; he will lean on her and will not be let down. (Sirach 15: 1- 4)
Clearly, it may be witnessed from my pieces of writing, the writing on the wall. I had an attachment style to failure. It seems as though much of my fear had to do with my failures. Perfectionist much? I really do not know. Perhaps I have performance anxiety. Maybe shy? There is clearly a social barrier or challenge in the mix of my fears. I beat about the bush! I do not think my fear is found with failure. I do not mind failing a million times. For me, failure actually drives learning. I know exactly what I am afraid of. I am afraid to stand alone. I am afraid to walk alone. Though I have done this for many a days, there is still that fear to be confident in my own skin and wear the cloth that I was furnished with. I fear to truly take up my space in time to truly walk alone, and feel and embrace it and embrace my path and enjoy every minute of it. I am afraid to express who I am. I can only pray to become one with my set path. I work to be free of guilt and shame. I am also afraid to lead. This is my fear. I have always been afraid of taking the lead, in fear that I may unknowingly lead another astray. I am afraid of influencing. This deeply scares me. In social contexts, I withdraw.
So, what exactly does fear feel like? I reflect on my experience.
There is something very peculiar that I have witnessed throughout my life. I usually am able to sense that ‘impending fear’ coming on. Prior to that fearful experience, my body bears witness to a few ‘symptoms’ that it seems almost psychic. I experience physiological changes in specific parts of the body that picks up fear or the nearness of that fear before its onset. I really can’t make these things up. I suppose everyone feels fear differently and I would perhaps assume that what really matters more is the content of the heart that reflects back to the person the type of fear that he holds. It is a really subjective observation.
Now, at this point, I much rather explore thoughts to provoke the idea of fear for the while. Fear is not all bad. It actually may help one to make better, someone’s way of preparation. Fear injects a tinge of excitement. Sometimes even, fear gets the job done. I suppose that I have learnt that fear should be a negative thing. But is it really? Can one still go through the experience of fear and through understanding not see it as all doom and gloom?
To reach the other side of fear, is that willingness to challenge the experiences of outcomes.
So, what exactly does fear look like to me?
Fear incapacitates
Fear seduces
Fear tantalizes, cornering it’s prey moving in for the kill
Fear divides
Fear shows no remorse
Fear is subtle
Fear is mightily patient, waiting for its next attack
Fear is unrelenting, there is no limit or height it moves through
Fear ridicules what it does not yet comprehend
Fear isolates
Fear challenges
Fear rides on the horse of pride
Fear never becomes satiated
But now I ask the question...
How can one say he has conquered fear when he cannot even look fear in the eyes?
I sit with myself on numerous occasions, holding fear in the mind. It then occurred to me. When I toy with the idea of overcoming fear, the common thought is for man to do or perform the event which he perceived as his source of the fear.
I now challenge this thought. I play with the idea that in order for fear to be overcome, one must sit with actual fear; fear itself. Not so much that he must show that he does the seemingly fearful event to overcome such an emotion but that he sits with his fearful emotion long enough until he overcomes.
It is then that other thoughts on fear came to mind.
Fear makes one patient
Fear makes one humble
Fear makes one meek
Fear makes one disciplined
Fear forces one to learn wisdom’s ways
Fear causes one to receive much understanding
Fear forces one to endure
Fear trains one for war
Fear inures
Fear forces that one to rely on what most cannot see
Fear forces that one to confront his inner man
Fear forces purpose
Fear forces that one to seek his faith
Fear is faith in the making
From the depths of fear’s mind, man is able to draw out his conquering sword of faith
If one sits long enough with fear, one realizes that it forces him to utilize his faith in order that fear itself be overcome.
Fear itself forces faith to be expressed.
The end of fear is the beginning of man’s faith.
When one finally gives in to fear, then and only then, can faith take its place.
I now see that one must first give in, in order to conquer.
Then it hit me. Sometimes, fear is the refining or pruning tool that man’s Maker uses on man in order to change him to what his Maker had originally designed him to be.
Fear was never meant to harm us, but rather to experience the flames of the furnace such that man turns from his fleshly desires and that instead his heart be more postured towards his Maker, living according to the design made by his Maker.
Fear acts as that sieve that is passed through man that he be washed clean of his impurities.
Who can bear the day of his coming and remain standing when He appears? For He will be like fire in the foundry and like the lye used for bleaching. He will be as a refiner or a fuller. He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver. So Yahweh will have priests who will present the offering as it should be. (Joel 3:2,3)
I am the true vine and my Father is the vinegrower. If any of my branches doesn’t bear fruit, He breaks it off; and He prunes every branch that does bear fruit, that it may bear even more fruit. You are already made clean by the word I have spoken to you; live in Me as I live in you. The branch cannot bear fruit by itself but has to remain part of the vine; so neither can you if you don’t remain in Me. (John 15: 1-3)
I advise you to buy from me gold that has been tested by fire, so that you may be rich, and white clothes to wear so that your nakedness may not shame you, and ointment for your eyes that you may see. I reprimand and correct all those I love. Be earnest and change your ways. (Revelation 3: 18,19)
My son, it you have decided to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials. Keep your heart upright and remain resolute; do not be upset in the time of adversity. (Sirach 2: 1,2)
Accept all that happens to you, be patient when you are humbled, for as gold is tested in the fire, so those acceptable to God are tested in the crucible of humiliation. (Sirach: 4,5)
A person who has not had trials knows very little. But the travelled man is competent in many ways. I have made discoveries on my travels and understood more than I can express. I have often been in danger but have been saved thanks to my experience. (Sirach 34: 10-12)
The spirit of those who fear the Lord is in dread of nothing. He will not be cowardly for He is his hope. He who fears the Lord is a happy person. To whom does he turn? Who is his support? (Sirach 34: 14,15)
The eyes of the Lord are on those who love Him. For them He is powerful protection, strong support, shelter against scorching wind and the midday sun. He is a safeguard against stumbling and assurance against a fall. He lifts up the soul and gives a sparkle to the eyes; he gives healing, life and blessing. (Sirach 34: 16,17)
He allows those who repent to return; He comforts those whose hopes are fading. (Sirach 17: 24)
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