Hello. How are you? I hope you are doing fine. Let’s have a chat. It’s about to get uncomfortable while I sit in the hot seat. So, grab some tea. It may be a while. Hope you learn some lessons along the way. I am just going to dive right in.
I sat with myself quite recently, and wondered to myself.... Why is it that some things constantly play over in my mind over and over and over. Much like an obsession. I begged to figure out why is it that sometimes I carry obsessive thoughts with me? Well, I thought for the moment and this is what was revealed to me.
When I obsessively think or overthink, this portion of my thinking or trend of thought is disturbed. The reason that I cannot get past this thought point is because it is causing some disturbance or disruption in my life. It almost seems like a glitch or an error message that shows up on my Operating System letting me know that something is not working correctly. Just like a computer, a glitch or disturbance usually requires further inquiry and troubleshooting. So, the thoughts come up obsessively in the same manner an error message keeps popping up when you ignore it. It forms part of your alert system. Almost something similar to experiencing a gnawing pain in the body that is letting you know that something is not operating correctly.
Unlike the computer, we don’t have to our avail the necessary external information to help us troubleshoot the problem. The problem occurs from the Operating System, and so the answer can only be drawn from the same Operating System. We usually need more information from the same system, that is, the system of the self, in order to make any further actions or inquiries.
Most times, when we have an issue, the issue is more inherent or found within, than it is without. The clue though, is to focus on the character and nature of what you obsessively think about and determine if it mirrors any part of your internal or personal life. Most of our issues stem from within the Operating System of ourselves. Once you can draw nearer to determine what specifically causes you to be drawn into an object, the faster you are able to surrender or to give up this part of you, to jumpstart the healing process.
So, the obsession serves as a prompt to help you to identify what exactly you are still holding on to that you need to let go of. The obsession, therefore, needs a praying point. Prayer reveals things. You pray once you have determined something that uniquely stands out to you when the object’s image shows up in your mind. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you exactly what tiny detail you are missing or leaving out. Ask the Holy Spirit who knows all things to show you your blind spot. Sometimes, we may easily overlook issues thinking them a non-issue, when in fact, it points to something we really need to let go of before we can move forward. I need to release that thing that I am secretly holding on to.
Let’s do a case study. Take a look at the exhibit that follows.
Exhibit XX
Well, look who it is... Yes, you’ve figured well. I am the exhibit, Exhibit XX . Howdy?
Okay, let’s get down to business.
Trait/ Character identified: Kind or caring nature.
Background Issue:
Throughout my life, I carried this unusual habit of thinking about persons. But not just any person. More so, the ones who have shown a kind face to me at one point or another. Their kindness melts my heart and I usually keep these memories of acts of kindness with me wherever I go. I hold the memories of these images locked away in my heart. On the surface, this may seem pretty benign, almost a harmless habit. But deceivingly it was hurting me more than I even thought possible. Just the act of what I secretly did reveals my understanding and perception of kindness. My view may have been that I see kindness as something so few and far between, so rare, in fact, that I thought to myself to bottle it up, as though I could keep kindness with me when I think about those previous acts of life. I considered kindness a scarce commodity, to the point that I need to bottle certain thoughts and feelings attached to these thoughts. It gets deeper. Let’ s press on. I took those blocks of experiences, shaping them into pills, to later treat myself as a narcotic or drug; something to ease the pain in my time of discomfort or intense stress. When I pull these thoughts out, they became my instant pleasure for a pain that I was chronically experiencing. I used past experiences to numb a pain; to distract myself from whatever I may have been confronted with at that time. To deflect my attention to something much more pleasurable.
Right now, I work to unblock this mental disturbance. I believe that there is never a lack in kindness. I don’t need to treat kindness as an object of some sort that I collect. I should treat it as an experience, as I would any other experience. I believe that more similar experiences will show up in my life. I just need patience and an open mind.
Furthermore, I also need to alter my perception of kindness. In expanding my field of vision, I need to consider that: Just because I don’t see kindness doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Each person is unique and has their own way of communicating what they think or how they feel towards an external object. I may not be that skilled to pick up on more subtle messages. Sometimes, I may deceive myself by own convoluted interpretations. See lesson on Life's Perceptions.
I need to include and accept alternative forms of interpretation in what it means to be kind, instead of harping on specific aspects that I choose to magnify to represent its entire definition. I look at the apple, and leave the whole forest behind, just because the apple looks red and ripe for eating. I need to see the whole picture, not just the tiny fragments of what kindness may actually mean. See lesson on Game of Distraction.
Further, when I get treated kindly, I should also view it from the point that I am able to see God’s face through the person dealing kindly with me. When I meet a kind face, it reminds me to also reveal the light that shines from within. I work towards being kinder to myself, to release overly critical thoughts about myself and celebrate all aspects of my life. Instead of looking outwardly for it, I need to be my own source of kindness to myself. I am more than capable of doing that. I pray to form new thoughts patterns that work to allow more light into my world. And when I don’t see light, I take up the mantle to become the light that shines from within.
In taking a spiritual dive, I acknowledge my Father’s love for me. His presence alone should remind me that I am already whole. For He is whole. He helps me to see that I am becoming more and more whole each day as I rest upon Him as my Source. I don’t need to take patches and fragments of His love in the people that I meet to make or fabricate what I may seem to be whole or bring about completeness in my life. In all this, there is just one thing that I got scolded for. Whenever I do something, I must do it properly. I must do it the right way. Yes, I can go ahead and have thoughts that relieve the pain, but I must have Him as my center piece. No one else should take that place in my heart. This seat is reserved especially for Him, a seat that He alone can fill. When in pain, my mind should automatically turn to Him. It is Him that I should focus on. It pains Him when I don’t exercise my full trust in His loving kindness.
Today, my Father has opened my eyes to see what I could have never been able to see for myself, after all these years. I also feel a great release off my shoulder with a few tears shed and much calmer mood. I give Him much praise and glory. Thank You Abba, my Father, Yahweh.
I thank You Abba for assisting me with this Confessional. Your love runs deep.
I leave you with this final thought:
It is interesting how one readily attends to his physical wounds yet, so easily neglects the wound spiritually inflicted upon his life. The physical would may take 4 to 6 weeks to heal, yet it may take a whole lifetime to heal those spiritual wounds. The physical wounds one may easily hide under a piece of garment. The spiritual wound shows for all the world to see. For we see the wounded person in the attitudes, actions and behaviour that they project to the much outer world.