This is an absolutely difficult and hot topic for me to express. I really do struggle to figure out my own identity.
I now go on to answer this one question:
Marisa, how do you see yourself?
Where do I even begin? *Long silent pause
Ugghhhh…. This is quite the struggle.
I pulse through…
Well, let me start by saying:
Hi! I am but the little island girl. Enough said… Okay, bye.
Okay, trying to work myself up to say something.
Let me start over.
Marisa, darling, how do you see yourself?
Okay, being serious for the moment… I am quite the playful type. Most actually do not know this about me, but I am really playful. Though I give off a somewhat serious or matter of fact look, under the nonchalance, I have quite the playful spirit.
I am also very sentimental. I can take one moment in my life, and make a whole movie out of it, playing it on the screen of my mind again and again and again. I live in my mind (in a much whispering tone).
I don’t know if you haven’t figured this out by now…
Did I really answer the question? Of course not…
This is the problem. I have a huge problem with truly defining my own profile.
Most define their life by life experiences; some history they would have gone through that tells their story.
I live on the fringe of life. I usually get really nervous when asked about my personal self. There is nothing to go on speaking about, lest I depress that one with long shots of really depressing stories.
I simply do not have a life. I do not think most can reach the point of grasping this concept.
My only point in this life is to just try to exist in the first place. My whole life has been caught up with fighting to stay emotionally strong in my space.
I really struggle to circumscribe the elements that make up my life. My life resides in my secret place. I live in the space of eternity in the space of time. I have witnessed numerous miracles in my life, working against all odds. And I rely heavily on my heavenly Father to carry me through.
When I shuffle through the cards of my life, there are a few lessons that I have learnt while playing this game of life.
Most may take this for granted, but having a father is absolutely essential for life itself. It may not seem apparent to an individual, but there are certain elements that are crucial and set the tone for living life.
The Father sets the foundation of life. The organization is run by the values that the father sets. This is truth. A society is reflective of the values shared by its founding father. I treasure this piece.
A father not only decides what happens to himself, but he also chooses for the descendants to come later on. This is truth.
Many times, I went through over and over in my mind, what it would feel like to be actually loved and cared for physically, but I can only imagine what that truly feels like, and yet I really would not grasp its full essence.
This experience takes me to an even deeper point. The absence of having a true rock or place to find rest on, really pushed me into my faith in finding true love.
I look past the physical happenings and more look towards the One who created me to be. Through this exercise of faith, I have come to learn to truly trust and believe in that Love coming from the One who I am just not able to see.
The experience teaches me to dig much more deeply into the eternal realms.
And this is where my true self resides. Most would not see the real me just by looking through the physical eyes or by my accounts or lack of any real thing to talk about.
I am ethereal. I am spirit. I am intuitive.
When I flow without thinking, I become really alive.
Most of my life is hidden away in the spirit. Most of my dreams are spiritual. I connect deeply with another in spirit.
Unfortunately, most will not understand the presence of an alternative world. But it does exist. It is from this place where my true treasures reside, where no thief can come to steal, or none to destroy.
I do not know exactly why I exist in the physical, if someone were to ask me, in terms of job description. I have very little purpose for the joys of this life. My true pleasure exists in spirit. What I do know is that I have come to know my Father and that is all that satisfies me. My life still remains a mystery even unto my own self. All I have is His Word, who keeps me.
Though I haven’t exactly walked through the steps that any girl may have already walked, I do get to experience great understanding, through my Father’s teachings. I have learnt to be way more patient and understanding, even in the most uncomfortable situations. I have experienced so much love from strangers and angels. I have also learnt to exercise and release some level of pleasure even when it pains.
It is really hard to see myself growing through life’s natural phases, as a girl grows into a woman. This has taken me automatically into the spirit realm to not think as humans do. So, I don’t really think my life to be even human in the first place.
I much rather not look at myself from the human perspective; I am over it.
I have come to just one deep truth.
I live by faith.
It is by faith that I live and I hold on to it.
The good Lord has taken me into his deeper end, showing me life through His eyes, having compassion for even the ones who hurt, for they hurt the most. He holds my hand and has shown me great faithfulness. I do not see Him as Father, but Husband, because He has been truly so faithful in my life. He hears me when I cry silently. He shares with me so many revelations. I have such deeper understanding of life itself even without a life story.
I see His life through my life. He shares His life with me.
I can’t fully see myself if I don’t include Him in my life story.
I put my trust in You O Lord,
It is on your lap, I lay my head.
I put my trust in You, my Lord,
Not thing, not man, but You, instead.
I lean into Your love my Lord,
You take me in and hold my hand.
No matter how treacherous a path I walk,
You talk to me and help me understand.
You are my Father.
Nothing is ever born without your sight.
Your love stands strong in my heart
You are my strength, my confidence, my might.
Though I come to You as this little girl
You sing sweet melodies for me
You come shake up my inner world
To be that woman You always created me to be
I could cry for days on end
For what I saw and previously felt
But in hindsight, I have so much more
For in You, my Lord, I find my treasure, my heart, my wealth.
Thank You, my Lord, for You teach me things
No class can ever teach
The type of faith that your love brings
So much taller, no mountain can ever reach.
I now go on to answer this one question:
Marisa, how do you see yourself?
Where do I even begin? *Long silent pause
Ugghhhh…. This is quite the struggle.
I pulse through…
Well, let me start by saying:
Hi! I am but the little island girl. Enough said… Okay, bye.
Okay, trying to work myself up to say something.
Let me start over.
Marisa, darling, how do you see yourself?
Okay, being serious for the moment… I am quite the playful type. Most actually do not know this about me, but I am really playful. Though I give off a somewhat serious or matter of fact look, under the nonchalance, I have quite the playful spirit.
I am also very sentimental. I can take one moment in my life, and make a whole movie out of it, playing it on the screen of my mind again and again and again. I live in my mind (in a much whispering tone).
I don’t know if you haven’t figured this out by now…
Did I really answer the question? Of course not…
This is the problem. I have a huge problem with truly defining my own profile.
Most define their life by life experiences; some history they would have gone through that tells their story.
I live on the fringe of life. I usually get really nervous when asked about my personal self. There is nothing to go on speaking about, lest I depress that one with long shots of really depressing stories.
I simply do not have a life. I do not think most can reach the point of grasping this concept.
My only point in this life is to just try to exist in the first place. My whole life has been caught up with fighting to stay emotionally strong in my space.
I really struggle to circumscribe the elements that make up my life. My life resides in my secret place. I live in the space of eternity in the space of time. I have witnessed numerous miracles in my life, working against all odds. And I rely heavily on my heavenly Father to carry me through.
When I shuffle through the cards of my life, there are a few lessons that I have learnt while playing this game of life.
Most may take this for granted, but having a father is absolutely essential for life itself. It may not seem apparent to an individual, but there are certain elements that are crucial and set the tone for living life.
The Father sets the foundation of life. The organization is run by the values that the father sets. This is truth. A society is reflective of the values shared by its founding father. I treasure this piece.
A father not only decides what happens to himself, but he also chooses for the descendants to come later on. This is truth.
Many times, I went through over and over in my mind, what it would feel like to be actually loved and cared for physically, but I can only imagine what that truly feels like, and yet I really would not grasp its full essence.
This experience takes me to an even deeper point. The absence of having a true rock or place to find rest on, really pushed me into my faith in finding true love.
I look past the physical happenings and more look towards the One who created me to be. Through this exercise of faith, I have come to learn to truly trust and believe in that Love coming from the One who I am just not able to see.
The experience teaches me to dig much more deeply into the eternal realms.
And this is where my true self resides. Most would not see the real me just by looking through the physical eyes or by my accounts or lack of any real thing to talk about.
I am ethereal. I am spirit. I am intuitive.
When I flow without thinking, I become really alive.
Most of my life is hidden away in the spirit. Most of my dreams are spiritual. I connect deeply with another in spirit.
Unfortunately, most will not understand the presence of an alternative world. But it does exist. It is from this place where my true treasures reside, where no thief can come to steal, or none to destroy.
I do not know exactly why I exist in the physical, if someone were to ask me, in terms of job description. I have very little purpose for the joys of this life. My true pleasure exists in spirit. What I do know is that I have come to know my Father and that is all that satisfies me. My life still remains a mystery even unto my own self. All I have is His Word, who keeps me.
Though I haven’t exactly walked through the steps that any girl may have already walked, I do get to experience great understanding, through my Father’s teachings. I have learnt to be way more patient and understanding, even in the most uncomfortable situations. I have experienced so much love from strangers and angels. I have also learnt to exercise and release some level of pleasure even when it pains.
It is really hard to see myself growing through life’s natural phases, as a girl grows into a woman. This has taken me automatically into the spirit realm to not think as humans do. So, I don’t really think my life to be even human in the first place.
I much rather not look at myself from the human perspective; I am over it.
I have come to just one deep truth.
I live by faith.
It is by faith that I live and I hold on to it.
The good Lord has taken me into his deeper end, showing me life through His eyes, having compassion for even the ones who hurt, for they hurt the most. He holds my hand and has shown me great faithfulness. I do not see Him as Father, but Husband, because He has been truly so faithful in my life. He hears me when I cry silently. He shares with me so many revelations. I have such deeper understanding of life itself even without a life story.
I see His life through my life. He shares His life with me.
I can’t fully see myself if I don’t include Him in my life story.
I put my trust in You O Lord,
It is on your lap, I lay my head.
I put my trust in You, my Lord,
Not thing, not man, but You, instead.
I lean into Your love my Lord,
You take me in and hold my hand.
No matter how treacherous a path I walk,
You talk to me and help me understand.
You are my Father.
Nothing is ever born without your sight.
Your love stands strong in my heart
You are my strength, my confidence, my might.
Though I come to You as this little girl
You sing sweet melodies for me
You come shake up my inner world
To be that woman You always created me to be
I could cry for days on end
For what I saw and previously felt
But in hindsight, I have so much more
For in You, my Lord, I find my treasure, my heart, my wealth.
Thank You, my Lord, for You teach me things
No class can ever teach
The type of faith that your love brings
So much taller, no mountain can ever reach.
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