So now, I go on to an additional perspective, as I reflect not on what I was or even what I am, but more so, what I would like to be.
For the greater part of my life journey, I have mostly spent time with myself by myself, having only a few really intimate type relations along the way.
Not always can one truly see himself the way he is. Sometimes, it takes the study of one’s immediate and intermediate environment to help define the story of a person’s life. Sometimes even, it may take past achievements as well as failures to help draw out the path of a person’s way. For me, I have found great treasure in revisiting old words that I have previously written to myself in moments when I thought my life was ending. By revisiting such words, I get to see the mind developing through time. I get to experience the spirit behind the writer. I get to witness her in her most vulnerable forms.
I now draw up for myself, my thoughts on the future person, taking into consideration all that was previously dissected and studied.
I work best when…
I work best when I am working alone.
I am way more fertile when I believe that I am not being overtly supervised and scrutinized, while in process. Solitude allows me the space to think over the materials with instruction and reflect. I used to be so ashamed of how slow I would operate in front of others. A lot of tension would be built up inside of me. In secret, I would wait until a crowd was gone before I really started to operate. I usually hold the perception of constantly being judged while in progress, which leads me to slow down. When I am alone, I am also usually way more relaxed, remaining in a calm, meditative position to continue to express all that wants to be expressed. There is no room for coercive, forced or fabricated thought. I just get to be myself while performing in secret. I am also usually quite hesitant to present my inspired ideas to any other. I do not hesitate to put down the ideas that come to me in place of any other. I usually view my products as merely products of expression, nothing more, nothing less.
Though working alone is when I most optimally work, I still enjoy working with others. It is always interesting to hear the thoughts of another and gain different perspectives. I think this is what makes working with a group interesting. In order to compensate for my shyness while working in a party of more than three persons, I first have to work out, in secret, what I would like to present to a group before meeting with the group, and really listen to the perspectives of another. This is how I work best in a group setting.
I would like to be known for…
I would like to be known for my gentle character.
So many times, I have been castigated for my gentle ways. Some cultures are much louder and way more vibrant than others. I thought for a long time, that something was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand why I was not behaving in similar patterns the way I would see most other persons behave in my environment. My quietness became my weakness. My softness meant I would be easily overlooked. My silence would be attributed to my naivety. However I appeared was always considered ‘bad’ or ‘untimely.’ I truly believed that I was made to be an error or something. I battled with myself so many times, just to pretend to be a person, as any other.
Now, as I look to the future, I cherish my gentle ways. I truly cherish quiet moments. I certainly value my gentle and soft self. Though this trait would not get me the things of this world that most would treasure, I still put high value on my quiet and gentle self. I appreciate now, the ability to just sit with myself and just be. Just be satisfied with the quietness. I love being able to ponder and just reflect. This trait is not going to leave me. It is the fabric of who I am.
Instead of looking down on how I will never be that bold or voracious, I just embrace the gentle me.
I am still working on…
I am still working on patience.
Because of my gentle ways, it certainly means that I have to traverse a course with many additional obstacles. Not everyone is going to give you an easy time. In fact, some might even deem me a push over. I am by no means swift. I take my time in everything I do. As I work to embrace my gentle ways, it also means that I have a great deal of work to do on being patient, both with myself and with others. I strongly believe that learning patience is my life path. No one needs to be chosen or picked out of a group in order to learn patience. Patience requires no special talent or skill. Life grants one so many opportunities to learn this important trait.
The younger version of myself felt so impatient on many occasions. But through time and much understanding, I have come to value this trait. There is no end or destination point, but it is the journey that brings out my true transformation. Every day, I learn to tolerate more than the previous day. I get to enter into more meditative states. It allows me more time to practice self-discipline. It helps me to understand the value of waiting.
No one talks about this, but patience also means giving up yourself. One learns the meaning of sacrifice and learning to let go of past, present and potential losses. One is forced to examine himself from an eternal mirror. One witnesses the changes that has to be made in order to further grow and understand.
I would like to use more of my…
I would like to use more of my intuition.
Because I have been a student for the majority of my life, I spent a great deal of time utilizing logic and reasoning. Most of the subjects that I studied were scientific in nature and so logical or deductive steps were always required. I enjoyed many academic accomplishments, particularly for my study of Chemistry. I remember dedicating a huge portion of time just solely for my study in Chemistry in secondary school. Studying was me. It was not study and rest and play and talk. Even when I was not studying, I was still studying. When I spent time in transit, travelling to go home, I would reflect on my work. I was always very curious about this particular subject and so I spent a considerable amount of time, just to learn and continue learning.
However, all of these academic endeavours led me to believe that there was no ounce in me that had any internally inspired thought. As I said before, I had thoughts, but I would readily dismiss them, as they sounded nothing like the voices that I would be hearing around me.
It is only now, as I reflect, I really wished that I chose my gut feelings when I needed to do that, for me. No one will ever witness the things internally stirred up if they are never communicated. This was my fear: to express. If anything did not sound or take pattern to what I could externally hear or see, I would readily dismiss those thoughts.
It does mean then, that so much more growth is needed. There is so much more inside of me left to be expressed, but in its right timings and places. I look towards utilizing my more intuitive mind, learning to trust myself and becoming my own best friend and advocate in the process. I work towards giving myself ample space to make errors in the learning process of being my intuitive self. I work towards embracing uncertainty, keeping an opened mind and just having faith in my decisions.
As part of growing this part of me, I also work towards growing a mind of steel; Both facing up with my secret insecurities and also, creating a fortress of a mind. I rely on my spiritual strength and partner to help me with growing a solid and stable mind; to withstand the pressures of opposing thoughts, feelings and opinions; to communicate constancy and enjoy the process of expression.
So, now I end by drawing up my borderless portrait.
Who is Marisa?
I am one who works best in solitude, with a much gentle spirit as my companion, who is learning to let go; a student of patience and one who weighs in on her much intuitive mind.
For the greater part of my life journey, I have mostly spent time with myself by myself, having only a few really intimate type relations along the way.
Not always can one truly see himself the way he is. Sometimes, it takes the study of one’s immediate and intermediate environment to help define the story of a person’s life. Sometimes even, it may take past achievements as well as failures to help draw out the path of a person’s way. For me, I have found great treasure in revisiting old words that I have previously written to myself in moments when I thought my life was ending. By revisiting such words, I get to see the mind developing through time. I get to experience the spirit behind the writer. I get to witness her in her most vulnerable forms.
I now draw up for myself, my thoughts on the future person, taking into consideration all that was previously dissected and studied.
I work best when…
I work best when I am working alone.
I am way more fertile when I believe that I am not being overtly supervised and scrutinized, while in process. Solitude allows me the space to think over the materials with instruction and reflect. I used to be so ashamed of how slow I would operate in front of others. A lot of tension would be built up inside of me. In secret, I would wait until a crowd was gone before I really started to operate. I usually hold the perception of constantly being judged while in progress, which leads me to slow down. When I am alone, I am also usually way more relaxed, remaining in a calm, meditative position to continue to express all that wants to be expressed. There is no room for coercive, forced or fabricated thought. I just get to be myself while performing in secret. I am also usually quite hesitant to present my inspired ideas to any other. I do not hesitate to put down the ideas that come to me in place of any other. I usually view my products as merely products of expression, nothing more, nothing less.
Though working alone is when I most optimally work, I still enjoy working with others. It is always interesting to hear the thoughts of another and gain different perspectives. I think this is what makes working with a group interesting. In order to compensate for my shyness while working in a party of more than three persons, I first have to work out, in secret, what I would like to present to a group before meeting with the group, and really listen to the perspectives of another. This is how I work best in a group setting.
I would like to be known for…
I would like to be known for my gentle character.
So many times, I have been castigated for my gentle ways. Some cultures are much louder and way more vibrant than others. I thought for a long time, that something was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand why I was not behaving in similar patterns the way I would see most other persons behave in my environment. My quietness became my weakness. My softness meant I would be easily overlooked. My silence would be attributed to my naivety. However I appeared was always considered ‘bad’ or ‘untimely.’ I truly believed that I was made to be an error or something. I battled with myself so many times, just to pretend to be a person, as any other.
Now, as I look to the future, I cherish my gentle ways. I truly cherish quiet moments. I certainly value my gentle and soft self. Though this trait would not get me the things of this world that most would treasure, I still put high value on my quiet and gentle self. I appreciate now, the ability to just sit with myself and just be. Just be satisfied with the quietness. I love being able to ponder and just reflect. This trait is not going to leave me. It is the fabric of who I am.
Instead of looking down on how I will never be that bold or voracious, I just embrace the gentle me.
I am still working on…
I am still working on patience.
Because of my gentle ways, it certainly means that I have to traverse a course with many additional obstacles. Not everyone is going to give you an easy time. In fact, some might even deem me a push over. I am by no means swift. I take my time in everything I do. As I work to embrace my gentle ways, it also means that I have a great deal of work to do on being patient, both with myself and with others. I strongly believe that learning patience is my life path. No one needs to be chosen or picked out of a group in order to learn patience. Patience requires no special talent or skill. Life grants one so many opportunities to learn this important trait.
The younger version of myself felt so impatient on many occasions. But through time and much understanding, I have come to value this trait. There is no end or destination point, but it is the journey that brings out my true transformation. Every day, I learn to tolerate more than the previous day. I get to enter into more meditative states. It allows me more time to practice self-discipline. It helps me to understand the value of waiting.
No one talks about this, but patience also means giving up yourself. One learns the meaning of sacrifice and learning to let go of past, present and potential losses. One is forced to examine himself from an eternal mirror. One witnesses the changes that has to be made in order to further grow and understand.
I would like to use more of my…
I would like to use more of my intuition.
Because I have been a student for the majority of my life, I spent a great deal of time utilizing logic and reasoning. Most of the subjects that I studied were scientific in nature and so logical or deductive steps were always required. I enjoyed many academic accomplishments, particularly for my study of Chemistry. I remember dedicating a huge portion of time just solely for my study in Chemistry in secondary school. Studying was me. It was not study and rest and play and talk. Even when I was not studying, I was still studying. When I spent time in transit, travelling to go home, I would reflect on my work. I was always very curious about this particular subject and so I spent a considerable amount of time, just to learn and continue learning.
However, all of these academic endeavours led me to believe that there was no ounce in me that had any internally inspired thought. As I said before, I had thoughts, but I would readily dismiss them, as they sounded nothing like the voices that I would be hearing around me.
It is only now, as I reflect, I really wished that I chose my gut feelings when I needed to do that, for me. No one will ever witness the things internally stirred up if they are never communicated. This was my fear: to express. If anything did not sound or take pattern to what I could externally hear or see, I would readily dismiss those thoughts.
It does mean then, that so much more growth is needed. There is so much more inside of me left to be expressed, but in its right timings and places. I look towards utilizing my more intuitive mind, learning to trust myself and becoming my own best friend and advocate in the process. I work towards giving myself ample space to make errors in the learning process of being my intuitive self. I work towards embracing uncertainty, keeping an opened mind and just having faith in my decisions.
As part of growing this part of me, I also work towards growing a mind of steel; Both facing up with my secret insecurities and also, creating a fortress of a mind. I rely on my spiritual strength and partner to help me with growing a solid and stable mind; to withstand the pressures of opposing thoughts, feelings and opinions; to communicate constancy and enjoy the process of expression.
So, now I end by drawing up my borderless portrait.
Who is Marisa?
I am one who works best in solitude, with a much gentle spirit as my companion, who is learning to let go; a student of patience and one who weighs in on her much intuitive mind.
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