I close my eyes and think. Never in a million years would I think to myself, the changes that I see happening ever so rapidly right in front my very eyes. Life seems to be accelerating. Though some days can seem to pass by much more slowly. Regardless of which way I turn, all I see is change.
It doesn’t matter from which angle one views the world. It really doesn’t matter the geography or the tongue that is the most expressed, however one views the world, one is sure to expect change.
Change brings with it many uncertainties. When I look back on the almost last ten years of my life, I could very well say that, those years proved to be quite futile. I could very well think that the years seemed as though there was some black hole that was opened up to swallow any thoughts on dreams and vision.
But those last ten years revealed to me so much more than other year could bring.
Change is not just only on the horizon. Change is here to stay.
Though it may seem to myself that very little was actually accomplished in the time spent in isolation and much reflection, I realize now that before any real change can be realized, there is certainly a place for latency. There is latent change.
I was so hard-pressed to look for external results or indicators that may lead me in the direction that I am to go. But this would greatly take away the faith that I prayed for ever since I was this little girl. I did not realize that the time spent was actually time utilized to help grow my faith.
Once I stepped into the unknown, having not a clue who I would meet, what thoughts I would have, what experiences I would share with another, everything that I have received, everything that I have accepted in those precious years have contributed to my learning and understanding of the world around me.
I became not just the student of Chemistry or Medicine or whatever path I took, I was thrusted into the school of life. I was quietly observing life, while remaining in the much hidden spaces. I stayed very much in the shadows. I spent a great deal of time in conversations with persons of various backgrounds, I listened to talks of persons who once traversed the earth. I read many books on various topics and fields. I took many classes and seminars that spanned outside of my usual range. I took chances even when I thought I was failing the most. Throughout all those learning exercises I felt connected with true life. I sensed the meaning of life.
But now it seems like such the domino effect, being trickled back into this little world of mine. I usually reflect on the wonderful memories that I was able to collect while quietly living.
I now appreciate that each little step prepares you for the subsequent one.
Ever since, my view on faith has dramatically changed.
I used to think that the practice of faith was all about praying, singing hymns, giving alms and just trying to be good. However, the last few years have shown me an entirely different picture. I learnt the importance of spending time with the self, being disciplined in mind, developing an actual back and forth relationship with my Maker, enjoying each moment as it comes, forgiving, letting go, trusting even when it seems as though there is nothing to trust in, appreciating differences among many other lessons. Life is not black and white. There are so many hues and colours to respect.
Having been resting in uncertainty for the quite the while, I have actually reached a place in my mind that there is nothing like security. The only secure thing is faith. Learning to trust in uncertainty is the only security. Certainly, nothing is for sure.
I no longer value the things that I thought that I needed to survive in this life. I have let go of so many thought patterns. I let go of my insecurities and that is such a wonderful and freeing feeling. I used to think and believe that I am weak. But the last years have changed me so much, that I just remove the thought of judgment entirely.
Instead of trying to figure out how to change my outer world or immediate environment, I instead, decide to spend so much time working on my internal one. The more changes that I see happening externally, the more opportunities I get to practice my faith and be in communion with my Father.
I also thought that my timing in life was off, but I now appreciate that everything comes in its right timing. Sometimes, I feel as though I am wasting so much time, but sometimes, time is first needed to change the internal self and prepare one for the things to come.
I do not know what tomorrow will bring. I really do not know. But what I do believe is that I need faith, unspeakable faith, like never seen before to live in a space that is constantly changing. I seek no external rewards. I more work towards the idea of service and less of human gain. I have no idea what that would look like, but I use faith to help prepare for those changes that are approaching.
It doesn’t matter from which angle one views the world. It really doesn’t matter the geography or the tongue that is the most expressed, however one views the world, one is sure to expect change.
Change brings with it many uncertainties. When I look back on the almost last ten years of my life, I could very well say that, those years proved to be quite futile. I could very well think that the years seemed as though there was some black hole that was opened up to swallow any thoughts on dreams and vision.
But those last ten years revealed to me so much more than other year could bring.
Change is not just only on the horizon. Change is here to stay.
Though it may seem to myself that very little was actually accomplished in the time spent in isolation and much reflection, I realize now that before any real change can be realized, there is certainly a place for latency. There is latent change.
I was so hard-pressed to look for external results or indicators that may lead me in the direction that I am to go. But this would greatly take away the faith that I prayed for ever since I was this little girl. I did not realize that the time spent was actually time utilized to help grow my faith.
Once I stepped into the unknown, having not a clue who I would meet, what thoughts I would have, what experiences I would share with another, everything that I have received, everything that I have accepted in those precious years have contributed to my learning and understanding of the world around me.
I became not just the student of Chemistry or Medicine or whatever path I took, I was thrusted into the school of life. I was quietly observing life, while remaining in the much hidden spaces. I stayed very much in the shadows. I spent a great deal of time in conversations with persons of various backgrounds, I listened to talks of persons who once traversed the earth. I read many books on various topics and fields. I took many classes and seminars that spanned outside of my usual range. I took chances even when I thought I was failing the most. Throughout all those learning exercises I felt connected with true life. I sensed the meaning of life.
But now it seems like such the domino effect, being trickled back into this little world of mine. I usually reflect on the wonderful memories that I was able to collect while quietly living.
I now appreciate that each little step prepares you for the subsequent one.
Ever since, my view on faith has dramatically changed.
I used to think that the practice of faith was all about praying, singing hymns, giving alms and just trying to be good. However, the last few years have shown me an entirely different picture. I learnt the importance of spending time with the self, being disciplined in mind, developing an actual back and forth relationship with my Maker, enjoying each moment as it comes, forgiving, letting go, trusting even when it seems as though there is nothing to trust in, appreciating differences among many other lessons. Life is not black and white. There are so many hues and colours to respect.
Having been resting in uncertainty for the quite the while, I have actually reached a place in my mind that there is nothing like security. The only secure thing is faith. Learning to trust in uncertainty is the only security. Certainly, nothing is for sure.
I no longer value the things that I thought that I needed to survive in this life. I have let go of so many thought patterns. I let go of my insecurities and that is such a wonderful and freeing feeling. I used to think and believe that I am weak. But the last years have changed me so much, that I just remove the thought of judgment entirely.
Instead of trying to figure out how to change my outer world or immediate environment, I instead, decide to spend so much time working on my internal one. The more changes that I see happening externally, the more opportunities I get to practice my faith and be in communion with my Father.
I also thought that my timing in life was off, but I now appreciate that everything comes in its right timing. Sometimes, I feel as though I am wasting so much time, but sometimes, time is first needed to change the internal self and prepare one for the things to come.
I do not know what tomorrow will bring. I really do not know. But what I do believe is that I need faith, unspeakable faith, like never seen before to live in a space that is constantly changing. I seek no external rewards. I more work towards the idea of service and less of human gain. I have no idea what that would look like, but I use faith to help prepare for those changes that are approaching.
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