One can be lost in the vastness and endlessness that is found in life. There is no end to what can be thought of or wondered about. There is a unique precision to everything that is laid out in life. There is a certain uniqueness about the location where one is born, into what family he is born, the places that he would travel in this world, the conversations he would share with another, the personal experiences that he would witness in his life. All these little factors add up and build that unique person.
I could think for the moment, that a birth just happens by chance. But is this really so? Who directs the birth of a child? Who dictates the way that this child should go? Who determines the combination of characteristic traits that this child should possess?
I can perhaps toy with the idea that life has each one figured out and that a child is born to fit into that world in which he lives. It is this thought that left a great puzzle in my mind to ponder on. Why do some persons fit into one world and others find greater difficulties in even trying? Was life always meant to be so difficult for some and so much easier for others? Is life even fair? Why was I born into this particular situation and not another?
From the beginning, one may think that life is so straightforward. You just follow or listen to certain instructions and all will be well with you. But now I ask, who I do listen to? Who do I follow? At what point does one stop taking instructions? At what point does one stop following blindly in much instruction? There are so many directions that one may go, how does one know the right way to follow? Is it okay to stop? Or must I keep going on? What makes something right? What makes something wrong?
There are so many questions that can be asked in just one life. In the span of a few years, there are so many directions, that one may indeed get lost. One hears many voices. Which voice does one listen to?
In this life, I have already pondered on much. I was always locked in the thought of the fear of pursuing anything that builds or construct life’s ways. I was afraid of relating with another. Because of that same fear, I was afraid of allowing anyone into really intimate spaces. I was afraid to do. But I was also afraid not to do. I always looked for the safest route. I always looked for some way that would produce little effect on anyone. I thought much not to provoke another. I thought to stay out of life’s main highways and byways. I was always afraid to live. I was afraid to enter into romantic relations. I was afraid to advise anyone, in fear of leading one astray.
For a very long time, I silently held my tongue. I was afraid to speak. I was also afraid to speak up. I was afraid to express my true feelings in the fear of hurting another’s feelings. I was afraid to express, on the whole.
There was always so much fear built up inside of me, it’s not something to laugh about.
But this is not living. As long as I feared, I was just not living. This is the harsh truth that I have to live with and come to terms with.
There is so much that I can be fearful about. But there is always so much more that I can be grateful about.
When I begin to concentrate on all that there already is, why fear?
It is easy for someone who lives already conquering fear to say, “snap out of it.” I wish that life was so simple. There are so many invisible factors that help to shape and influence a person's path.
I come to learn that this is my life path. I have no real record in time, there is little evidence to prove my existence. It is this fear that built this new invisible life. This is a very hard road to walk.
The path of fear is literally forcing me to live out a life of faith.
I have no physical evidence to prove that I live or that I have lived. I just go by day by day. Time yields no record. It is a very weird space to live in. But it is a space that definitely forces faith and forces me to live out my faith. I can feel and sense the experiences of the biological changes as I witness changes with my emotions, feelings and thoughts; going through the changing seasons of my life. But there is just no physical record or evidence attached to these experiences. I live out the biological clock of this life, yet I haven’t actually lived. There is no real memory attached to each sensation. My life has become de-realized. This is the best way that I can explain it. I have lost time. I have lost earth time.
Now, do I really miss this time? That is a very hard question to answer. For I feared living in the first place. I am afraid of being an ‘error’ for someone else.
Lost earth time meant time transferred into the spirit. I have no choice but to choose the spiritual path to life. This is my real life. In this plane, I am at great ease and feel most alive.
Most persons will never come to understand why I do the things that I do. I know I don’t express the same way as most others would. I have come to realize that this is my unique path.
Instead of living for the logical, I finally take my seat into the immaterial. I take pleasure in embracing my true self. I now finally let go to be my true complete self. I spend time with my Father. He has given me an instruction to wait in this life. From his eternal place, this could mean one minute, one day or even as long as an entire lifetime. But this is the instruction that was granted me, long before I started my waiting journey.
Waiting has left me with so much understanding of a life that I was so afraid of. I was taken to the depths and carried along the way to understand and perceive life differently as time pursued.
I no longer question this life path, being plunged further into my Father’s way. It is a very difficult path, one bearing many sacrifices; one that leads a lonesome road. Yet it is the path that I have chosen to follow.
And now, I simply let go of all of my many doubts about this life. I no longer question where exactly I would fit in. I no longer search for answers. For this life path was always with me. It took me a very long time to accept and embrace what was and what is to be. I just let go now of what could have been and just accept what is.
My Father has been really patient, waiting for me to finally return to Him. I am as a ghost to this world. I have been a ghost a really long time ago. There is no real belonging. I belong to my Father.
Now I sit with my Father and ponder, how marvelous a world this truly is. I did not get an actual life, yet I receive great understanding. I get to spend time with my Father, and see life through His eyes. I get to be with His Spirit, who upholds and carries me.
I wait in faith on my Father, who will instruct me further when the time is ripe.
But for the moment, I sit quiet, no longer questioning, what I am to do, or where I am to go. I have stopped wondering. There is no life. My life is in the spirit and I wait as I have been instructed.
It is faith that instructs me that I do not need to have the answers for everything. I simply just enjoy life’s great unfolding.
I could think for the moment, that a birth just happens by chance. But is this really so? Who directs the birth of a child? Who dictates the way that this child should go? Who determines the combination of characteristic traits that this child should possess?
I can perhaps toy with the idea that life has each one figured out and that a child is born to fit into that world in which he lives. It is this thought that left a great puzzle in my mind to ponder on. Why do some persons fit into one world and others find greater difficulties in even trying? Was life always meant to be so difficult for some and so much easier for others? Is life even fair? Why was I born into this particular situation and not another?
From the beginning, one may think that life is so straightforward. You just follow or listen to certain instructions and all will be well with you. But now I ask, who I do listen to? Who do I follow? At what point does one stop taking instructions? At what point does one stop following blindly in much instruction? There are so many directions that one may go, how does one know the right way to follow? Is it okay to stop? Or must I keep going on? What makes something right? What makes something wrong?
There are so many questions that can be asked in just one life. In the span of a few years, there are so many directions, that one may indeed get lost. One hears many voices. Which voice does one listen to?
In this life, I have already pondered on much. I was always locked in the thought of the fear of pursuing anything that builds or construct life’s ways. I was afraid of relating with another. Because of that same fear, I was afraid of allowing anyone into really intimate spaces. I was afraid to do. But I was also afraid not to do. I always looked for the safest route. I always looked for some way that would produce little effect on anyone. I thought much not to provoke another. I thought to stay out of life’s main highways and byways. I was always afraid to live. I was afraid to enter into romantic relations. I was afraid to advise anyone, in fear of leading one astray.
For a very long time, I silently held my tongue. I was afraid to speak. I was also afraid to speak up. I was afraid to express my true feelings in the fear of hurting another’s feelings. I was afraid to express, on the whole.
There was always so much fear built up inside of me, it’s not something to laugh about.
But this is not living. As long as I feared, I was just not living. This is the harsh truth that I have to live with and come to terms with.
There is so much that I can be fearful about. But there is always so much more that I can be grateful about.
When I begin to concentrate on all that there already is, why fear?
It is easy for someone who lives already conquering fear to say, “snap out of it.” I wish that life was so simple. There are so many invisible factors that help to shape and influence a person's path.
I come to learn that this is my life path. I have no real record in time, there is little evidence to prove my existence. It is this fear that built this new invisible life. This is a very hard road to walk.
The path of fear is literally forcing me to live out a life of faith.
I have no physical evidence to prove that I live or that I have lived. I just go by day by day. Time yields no record. It is a very weird space to live in. But it is a space that definitely forces faith and forces me to live out my faith. I can feel and sense the experiences of the biological changes as I witness changes with my emotions, feelings and thoughts; going through the changing seasons of my life. But there is just no physical record or evidence attached to these experiences. I live out the biological clock of this life, yet I haven’t actually lived. There is no real memory attached to each sensation. My life has become de-realized. This is the best way that I can explain it. I have lost time. I have lost earth time.
Now, do I really miss this time? That is a very hard question to answer. For I feared living in the first place. I am afraid of being an ‘error’ for someone else.
Lost earth time meant time transferred into the spirit. I have no choice but to choose the spiritual path to life. This is my real life. In this plane, I am at great ease and feel most alive.
Most persons will never come to understand why I do the things that I do. I know I don’t express the same way as most others would. I have come to realize that this is my unique path.
Instead of living for the logical, I finally take my seat into the immaterial. I take pleasure in embracing my true self. I now finally let go to be my true complete self. I spend time with my Father. He has given me an instruction to wait in this life. From his eternal place, this could mean one minute, one day or even as long as an entire lifetime. But this is the instruction that was granted me, long before I started my waiting journey.
Waiting has left me with so much understanding of a life that I was so afraid of. I was taken to the depths and carried along the way to understand and perceive life differently as time pursued.
I no longer question this life path, being plunged further into my Father’s way. It is a very difficult path, one bearing many sacrifices; one that leads a lonesome road. Yet it is the path that I have chosen to follow.
And now, I simply let go of all of my many doubts about this life. I no longer question where exactly I would fit in. I no longer search for answers. For this life path was always with me. It took me a very long time to accept and embrace what was and what is to be. I just let go now of what could have been and just accept what is.
My Father has been really patient, waiting for me to finally return to Him. I am as a ghost to this world. I have been a ghost a really long time ago. There is no real belonging. I belong to my Father.
Now I sit with my Father and ponder, how marvelous a world this truly is. I did not get an actual life, yet I receive great understanding. I get to spend time with my Father, and see life through His eyes. I get to be with His Spirit, who upholds and carries me.
I wait in faith on my Father, who will instruct me further when the time is ripe.
But for the moment, I sit quiet, no longer questioning, what I am to do, or where I am to go. I have stopped wondering. There is no life. My life is in the spirit and I wait as I have been instructed.
It is faith that instructs me that I do not need to have the answers for everything. I simply just enjoy life’s great unfolding.
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