I now lay quietly with all of my thoughts, reflecting on how my path has been shifting along the way and what it means for my journey of faith. It may seem as though, all throughout my earthly years, I have been living in all the wrong ways. It is quite evident that I do indeed, have a very long and arduous road to walk on my journey of faith.
When I entered this world, I entered as a child, just as any other. My mind exploring to the greatest depths and back. I thought back then that every and anything was possible. I was filled with so much joy and laughter, as I played very much in the rural outdoors. To me, life was simple. I was never really a talker. I spent most of my days just caught up in observing. I usually would observe everything around me, and then I would be lost in much thought. By no means has this changed in my thirty-something year old self. My observing self is the common denominator that takes me through the years in this lifetime. I now sit in that seat as the silent observer and I make no reservations about this either.
It is only when I started my years of schooling, and then much later on in training, I started to lose bits and pieces of my innate self. I thought that I was always wrong in everything that I did. Through time, I eventually lost the lustre for life. I lived for the image, while the life in me was slowly but surely leaking out of the soon to be numbed – out body of mine.
It is incredible how the strictness of life follows you wherever you go. But this has taught me something. It is good to live a disciplined life, but it matters so much more to live a disciplined life that actually makes sense, for you.
Though I silently cried so many times in this one life, pouring my heart out in the words that I had written, which got me through really tough times and sometimes going through even really dangerous places, I was pushed far beyond what I thought I was even capable of.
Though I haven’t exactly lived the typical life, with very little to say in a much chronological order, I am happy to still experience what I did.
I get to witness life from its many different angles. I did not live just one life, but I got to experience so many lives in the interactions that I did have and the incredible experiences that I received in this one life.
I do not see life as one timeline, but I see many lives happening all of the time at any one time. Lives intersect to produce many other lives.
I thought myself to be the outcast. I always saw myself as the loner. But now I know that I was never truly alone. I was gifted with the honour of having my Father in my presence wherever I went.
It is my Father who gives me all the faith that I need to finish traverse this life course.
My Father is really strict, but He always promises His presence. I also value the Wisdom that He shares with me along the way. He feeds me with the fruits of much understanding.
I feel honoured to walk this very tumultuous path. I feel honoured because my Father is with me wherever I go. I could look down on all of my adversities. Or I could very well embrace each and every single one as an opportunity to see my Father work in very miraculous ways. He has granted me this much!
It takes me a great deal of time, effort, so many disappointments and failing moments, isolation, lessons, to even reach the point of believing in my Father. He gives me chances to increase my belief.
Having a really present father is so important for one’s development. This He had me learnt. I have found a wonderful Gem by searching within.
Now, I go fully in, and take the path of His Spirit. There is no turning back. His Spirit leads me to where I am to go. His Spirit has taught me so much about moving beyond the shaky waters. Inside of me, the rivers do run deep. He teaches me to begin walking on water. He teaches me to grow more towards Him in faith. To not look on past failures, the shames of life, the ridicule, the distractions. To look past all of it and to just solely focus on Him and the Word that He has given me. I let go of all my insecurities and just simply trust. I trust in His plan for me and in the path that He has already carved out for me.
It is my duty, to keep my waters still, no matter how deep the end appears to be, yet still it is in my Father whom I trust.
The road that I am to walk takes me to my Father. I learn the path of forgiveness, patience, gentle yet sound heart, with unwavering mind. I learn the path of my Father’s ways, for this is the true purpose that He has neatly seeded in me.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11: 28)
“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. (Luke 12: 32)
For I am the Lord who brought you up from the land of Egypt to be your God; thus you shall be holy, for I am holy.’” (Leviticus 11:45)
Thus you are to be holy to Me, for I the Lord am holy; and I have set you apart from the peoples to be Mine. (Leviticus 20: 26)
You shall consecrate yourselves therefore and be holy, for I am the Lord your God. (Leviticus 20: 7)
When I entered this world, I entered as a child, just as any other. My mind exploring to the greatest depths and back. I thought back then that every and anything was possible. I was filled with so much joy and laughter, as I played very much in the rural outdoors. To me, life was simple. I was never really a talker. I spent most of my days just caught up in observing. I usually would observe everything around me, and then I would be lost in much thought. By no means has this changed in my thirty-something year old self. My observing self is the common denominator that takes me through the years in this lifetime. I now sit in that seat as the silent observer and I make no reservations about this either.
It is only when I started my years of schooling, and then much later on in training, I started to lose bits and pieces of my innate self. I thought that I was always wrong in everything that I did. Through time, I eventually lost the lustre for life. I lived for the image, while the life in me was slowly but surely leaking out of the soon to be numbed – out body of mine.
It is incredible how the strictness of life follows you wherever you go. But this has taught me something. It is good to live a disciplined life, but it matters so much more to live a disciplined life that actually makes sense, for you.
Though I silently cried so many times in this one life, pouring my heart out in the words that I had written, which got me through really tough times and sometimes going through even really dangerous places, I was pushed far beyond what I thought I was even capable of.
Though I haven’t exactly lived the typical life, with very little to say in a much chronological order, I am happy to still experience what I did.
I get to witness life from its many different angles. I did not live just one life, but I got to experience so many lives in the interactions that I did have and the incredible experiences that I received in this one life.
I do not see life as one timeline, but I see many lives happening all of the time at any one time. Lives intersect to produce many other lives.
I thought myself to be the outcast. I always saw myself as the loner. But now I know that I was never truly alone. I was gifted with the honour of having my Father in my presence wherever I went.
It is my Father who gives me all the faith that I need to finish traverse this life course.
My Father is really strict, but He always promises His presence. I also value the Wisdom that He shares with me along the way. He feeds me with the fruits of much understanding.
I feel honoured to walk this very tumultuous path. I feel honoured because my Father is with me wherever I go. I could look down on all of my adversities. Or I could very well embrace each and every single one as an opportunity to see my Father work in very miraculous ways. He has granted me this much!
It takes me a great deal of time, effort, so many disappointments and failing moments, isolation, lessons, to even reach the point of believing in my Father. He gives me chances to increase my belief.
Having a really present father is so important for one’s development. This He had me learnt. I have found a wonderful Gem by searching within.
Now, I go fully in, and take the path of His Spirit. There is no turning back. His Spirit leads me to where I am to go. His Spirit has taught me so much about moving beyond the shaky waters. Inside of me, the rivers do run deep. He teaches me to begin walking on water. He teaches me to grow more towards Him in faith. To not look on past failures, the shames of life, the ridicule, the distractions. To look past all of it and to just solely focus on Him and the Word that He has given me. I let go of all my insecurities and just simply trust. I trust in His plan for me and in the path that He has already carved out for me.
It is my duty, to keep my waters still, no matter how deep the end appears to be, yet still it is in my Father whom I trust.
The road that I am to walk takes me to my Father. I learn the path of forgiveness, patience, gentle yet sound heart, with unwavering mind. I learn the path of my Father’s ways, for this is the true purpose that He has neatly seeded in me.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11: 28)
“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. (Luke 12: 32)
For I am the Lord who brought you up from the land of Egypt to be your God; thus you shall be holy, for I am holy.’” (Leviticus 11:45)
Thus you are to be holy to Me, for I the Lord am holy; and I have set you apart from the peoples to be Mine. (Leviticus 20: 26)
You shall consecrate yourselves therefore and be holy, for I am the Lord your God. (Leviticus 20: 7)
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