One day, as Jesus stood by the Lake of Gennesaret, with a crowd gathered around Him listening to the word of God, He caught sight of two boats left at the water’s edge by the fishermen now washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to pull out a little from the shore. There He sat and continued to teach the crowd.
When He had finished speaking, He said to Simon, “Put out into deep water and lower your nets for a catch.” Simon replied, “Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing. But if you say so, I will lower the nets. This they did and caught such a large number of fish, that their nets began to break. They signaled their partners, in the other boat to come and help them. They came and filled both boats almost to the point of sinking.
Upon seeing this, Simon Peter fell at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Leave me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” For he and his companions were amazed at the catch they had made and so were Simon’s partners, James and John, Zebedee’s sons.
Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid. You will catch people from now on.” So, they brought their boats to land and followed Him, leaving everything.
(Luke 5: 1- 11)
It was in the morning of August, in the year 2023, I was fasting, spending time in the Word, when the Holy Spirit came to me to begin teaching. The above verses were the opening lines to begin this session. It was in this very session, when I finally began to understand all that my Father was telling me about my life in the previous years. For a really long time, I did not understand why I kept receiving rejection after rejection, for several years. It was only when I received this teaching, everything began to make sense.
I share with you, now, some of the notes that I had taken.
When I reflect on the first three verses, I begin to see that there is intentionality with my Father. He was very intentional about meeting Simon, one of the fishermen. I first caught notice of this through the words, ‘caught sight.’ This must have meant that He was looking out for something in the first place. It was only when He found what He was looking for, He caught sight of it. His intention later materialized when He asked Simon to move the boat. He gave Simon an instruction.
God is intentional, very intentional. When He wants something done, He does not hesitate to approach. With God, there are no mistakes. God does not make mistakes. There are no mistakes in this life. God will connect one with the hard evidence that one should not have any hint of doubt or be second guessing. It does describe his nature of intentionality. He will pursue you and He will keep doing so to give much instruction.
I read from the book of Jeremiah Chapter one:
4 A word of Yahweh came to me,
5 “Even before I formed you in the womb I have known you; even before you were born I had set you apart, and appointed you a prophet to the nations!”
I read from the book of Psalms Chapter one hundred and thirty-nine:
15 Even my bones were known to You when I was being formed in secret, fashioned in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw the course of my days; they were all recorded in your book before any of them came to be.
I go on to continue sharing.
When I reflect on the verses four through seven, I note the following:
God spoke. On speaking, so it was.
When God speaks, things happen.
Faith involves hearing the Word – repeating the word [+ following His command] and waiting for Him to act.
Outcomes: Catch = opportunities.
Deep water = greater risk = greater level of trust required
= greater rewards = greater opportunities
Shallow water = He has not placed the rewards here but you must trust and go deeper. It is in the deep end, where your treasures truly reside and where there is overflow or outpouring.
This message has been reflected when Simon:
1. Followed the command
2. Let out his net in the much deeper end of where the water flowed
This message hit me as a tonne of bricks.
I couldn’t believe that my Father was calling me out to certain places; those same places that I resisted so many times with all my might.
I could rush to do many things, but there was always this strong aversion and fright, a deep dread in the one thing that my Father was calling me out for. There is no escaping.
You see, my Father left no chance for me to stay at peace anywhere except the place that He had prepared for me. He would not allow any passage outside of the road and the home that He already had prepared for me. All He asks is that I trust in Him. He wants me to trust Him with all of my might and He will do it. He will take me to my home; that place that He has already prepared.
My Father did leave me with an instruction. His one instruction that He gave to me all the way back in the year 2012 through 2013 was to wait. Just that. I knew nothing else about the how’s or even the how to’s. I was just given a simple yet very hard instruction to wait.
It was only in 2023, that I finally understood that my challenge was to spend a grand time in the deep end of waiting. It means going in the deep end of the ocean of wait.
I was given the test of time.
These were the words spoken to me by my Father:
Take command of time. You do not let time control you, and what you are to do. You are above time. You conquer time. This is patience. Your fight is with time. But you will be a victor of time. Do not let time be a dictator for your next steps. Let time wait on you. If you know what it (patience) means and live through it, then nothing at all can ever stop you from being great and doing wonderful things in life. With every second, brings opportunity for change, which brings opportunity for discovery.
I share with you one final note, which my Father has revealed to me.
As I read the verses eight through eleven, I take note of the following:
Simon falling at Jesus’ knees = reveals Jesus as King
Simon says he is a sinful man = reveals that Simon thinks himself not worthy to be in the presence of the King and Lord.
Jesus revealed Himself as King through His action. He shows Himself as King.
Through His action, His AWESOMENESS is also revealed. There is holy fear.
I note to my own self, that many times, I do not make room for my Father to reveal His awesomeness in my life.
It is to learn to let go of the reign on my life, listen to Him, then wait and watch Him act.
So many times, I felt not worthy of all that the Father wished to give me. I would keep running away in the fear that I would keep messing up. I keep doing things differently to everyone else, whenever I did anything and that always translated for me in much mockery and much ridicule. I always thought myself the awkward creature; how I hold objects. how I speak, my responses to questions and just in being my general self. I kept standing out in a pretty awkward way all of the time.
I now recall two dreams that I had way back in the year 2011. I thought very little of those dreams back then. It is only now that I start to see the picture that my Father was trying to paint for me.
In the first dream, I saw myself walking home. I was on the main road that connects to the street that takes me home. On my walk, I saw a large crowd. In this crowd, I saw many children of various ages. I don’t like crowds and I was very perplexed why these children were following me. It was only for a short while, I was able to catch this glimpse, then I woke up. I was a student at the time, and the thought of what I saw got me a bit anxious to some extent. I never made any further note about it after waking up.
The second dream probably occurred about a year later after the first. I remember being in a clinic and there were so many files in the room. I was the only one in the room and I was wondering ‘when is the doctor going to arrive?’ I just waited in the room, and no doctor would show up. Again, I woke up a little confused. For a short while, I thought to myself, maybe I was the doctor (I was a student at the time). Maybe it was my clinic, and I had many files to attend to, which also meant that there were many patients waiting outside (another anxious- ing thought). Again, after dreaming, I made very little meaning out of it and so dismissed the dream.
And now, I confront what I hate confronting the most. BIG SIGHS A KAZILLION!
I feel so much dread deep inside of me, when I think about serving in the capacity that I was trained for. It overwhelms me to the point, that I already give up any thought of it. I usually think myself not good enough or just not able.
But just as Simon, when he tried everywhere else in the water; Simon literally tried dipping his net in all places, yet yielding no fruit. Much fruit was found in the one place where Jesus told Simon to go: in the deep end.
I also take note that Simon was initially working in the dark, where no fruit was yielded. Christ brought with Himself the day (for He is the light), when Simon was able to do his work, as was instructed by Jesus.
My Father is very intentional and precise. He expects that all his children listen to His voice. He anticipates that all his children will trust Him even when going into the much deeper ends of their lives. My Father only has good things for His children and so He closes all the other doors except the one door that He wants us to walk through.
This is the lesson of my lifetime. I have no choice but to walk through with my Father. He was waiting for me all this time. He was already there. He was just waiting for me to learn how to walk. I spent a great deal of time with my Father, learning how to walk. The trials and failing moments were all steps to get me to walk into the path that He has already prepared for me.
This is no easy walk. For I battled with not only time, but such the emotional rollercoaster it actually is. I battled with self-control. I battle with faith.
What was once hidden, has now become revealed.
I now lay bare my greatest fear on the table:
Of all the things I fear the most, it was always to serve in the capacity as a doctor; a medical doctor. I look nothing like one and I certainly do not act like one. I am so far removed from this persona. I am like a child. A little girl. How can I ever fit into spaces that dealt with so much responsibility?
It is up to my Father to reveal much more. This is what was hidden that has been revealed to me.
I have no idea what the future would actually look like. I really do not know. My job was to express all that is hidden inside of me.
And this is my silent prayer written on 19. 02. 23
I learn to trust God in:
Being received into a loving home.
Feeling loved.
Being loved.
I am learning to trust God with:
My future.
I cannot see my future. But my future is with God.
It feels really difficult to think about the future, though, as I live in the present moment. I hope for a brighter future present. Usually, I feel locked away in my continuous present that it is so difficult to imagine that much brighter days are ahead of me. Usually, I feel unseen and underappreciated and disconnected from the things that I view define me. I really hope for better days and much meaningful connections to the people, places and situations.
I put my trust in God that He will create the connections to be and feel loved, valued and appreciated.
Dear Marisa,
The mountains may depart and the hill be moved, but never will my love depart from you nor my covenant of peace be removed, says Yahweh, whose compassion is for you. (Isaiah 54: 10)
Message written on 05.03.24
Marisa, I am calling you up into higher faith. I share my life with you. You are on the giving end and not on the receiving end. This is a high table that I have called you up to meet with. I share my treasures with you. I am with you, wherever you go. This is my promise that I have made with you. Fear not. Do not be dismayed. You have a higher calling on your life. You stand the test of time. I feed into you. I am preparing you for your calling. Marisa, by no means is this preparation overnight. Stay focused in all that you are to do. I am with you. You are strong.
When He had finished speaking, He said to Simon, “Put out into deep water and lower your nets for a catch.” Simon replied, “Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing. But if you say so, I will lower the nets. This they did and caught such a large number of fish, that their nets began to break. They signaled their partners, in the other boat to come and help them. They came and filled both boats almost to the point of sinking.
Upon seeing this, Simon Peter fell at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Leave me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” For he and his companions were amazed at the catch they had made and so were Simon’s partners, James and John, Zebedee’s sons.
Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid. You will catch people from now on.” So, they brought their boats to land and followed Him, leaving everything.
(Luke 5: 1- 11)
It was in the morning of August, in the year 2023, I was fasting, spending time in the Word, when the Holy Spirit came to me to begin teaching. The above verses were the opening lines to begin this session. It was in this very session, when I finally began to understand all that my Father was telling me about my life in the previous years. For a really long time, I did not understand why I kept receiving rejection after rejection, for several years. It was only when I received this teaching, everything began to make sense.
I share with you, now, some of the notes that I had taken.
When I reflect on the first three verses, I begin to see that there is intentionality with my Father. He was very intentional about meeting Simon, one of the fishermen. I first caught notice of this through the words, ‘caught sight.’ This must have meant that He was looking out for something in the first place. It was only when He found what He was looking for, He caught sight of it. His intention later materialized when He asked Simon to move the boat. He gave Simon an instruction.
God is intentional, very intentional. When He wants something done, He does not hesitate to approach. With God, there are no mistakes. God does not make mistakes. There are no mistakes in this life. God will connect one with the hard evidence that one should not have any hint of doubt or be second guessing. It does describe his nature of intentionality. He will pursue you and He will keep doing so to give much instruction.
I read from the book of Jeremiah Chapter one:
4 A word of Yahweh came to me,
5 “Even before I formed you in the womb I have known you; even before you were born I had set you apart, and appointed you a prophet to the nations!”
I read from the book of Psalms Chapter one hundred and thirty-nine:
15 Even my bones were known to You when I was being formed in secret, fashioned in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw the course of my days; they were all recorded in your book before any of them came to be.
I go on to continue sharing.
When I reflect on the verses four through seven, I note the following:
God spoke. On speaking, so it was.
When God speaks, things happen.
Faith involves hearing the Word – repeating the word [+ following His command] and waiting for Him to act.
Outcomes: Catch = opportunities.
Deep water = greater risk = greater level of trust required
= greater rewards = greater opportunities
Shallow water = He has not placed the rewards here but you must trust and go deeper. It is in the deep end, where your treasures truly reside and where there is overflow or outpouring.
This message has been reflected when Simon:
1. Followed the command
2. Let out his net in the much deeper end of where the water flowed
This message hit me as a tonne of bricks.
I couldn’t believe that my Father was calling me out to certain places; those same places that I resisted so many times with all my might.
I could rush to do many things, but there was always this strong aversion and fright, a deep dread in the one thing that my Father was calling me out for. There is no escaping.
You see, my Father left no chance for me to stay at peace anywhere except the place that He had prepared for me. He would not allow any passage outside of the road and the home that He already had prepared for me. All He asks is that I trust in Him. He wants me to trust Him with all of my might and He will do it. He will take me to my home; that place that He has already prepared.
My Father did leave me with an instruction. His one instruction that He gave to me all the way back in the year 2012 through 2013 was to wait. Just that. I knew nothing else about the how’s or even the how to’s. I was just given a simple yet very hard instruction to wait.
It was only in 2023, that I finally understood that my challenge was to spend a grand time in the deep end of waiting. It means going in the deep end of the ocean of wait.
I was given the test of time.
These were the words spoken to me by my Father:
Take command of time. You do not let time control you, and what you are to do. You are above time. You conquer time. This is patience. Your fight is with time. But you will be a victor of time. Do not let time be a dictator for your next steps. Let time wait on you. If you know what it (patience) means and live through it, then nothing at all can ever stop you from being great and doing wonderful things in life. With every second, brings opportunity for change, which brings opportunity for discovery.
I share with you one final note, which my Father has revealed to me.
As I read the verses eight through eleven, I take note of the following:
Simon falling at Jesus’ knees = reveals Jesus as King
Simon says he is a sinful man = reveals that Simon thinks himself not worthy to be in the presence of the King and Lord.
Jesus revealed Himself as King through His action. He shows Himself as King.
Through His action, His AWESOMENESS is also revealed. There is holy fear.
I note to my own self, that many times, I do not make room for my Father to reveal His awesomeness in my life.
It is to learn to let go of the reign on my life, listen to Him, then wait and watch Him act.
So many times, I felt not worthy of all that the Father wished to give me. I would keep running away in the fear that I would keep messing up. I keep doing things differently to everyone else, whenever I did anything and that always translated for me in much mockery and much ridicule. I always thought myself the awkward creature; how I hold objects. how I speak, my responses to questions and just in being my general self. I kept standing out in a pretty awkward way all of the time.
I now recall two dreams that I had way back in the year 2011. I thought very little of those dreams back then. It is only now that I start to see the picture that my Father was trying to paint for me.
In the first dream, I saw myself walking home. I was on the main road that connects to the street that takes me home. On my walk, I saw a large crowd. In this crowd, I saw many children of various ages. I don’t like crowds and I was very perplexed why these children were following me. It was only for a short while, I was able to catch this glimpse, then I woke up. I was a student at the time, and the thought of what I saw got me a bit anxious to some extent. I never made any further note about it after waking up.
The second dream probably occurred about a year later after the first. I remember being in a clinic and there were so many files in the room. I was the only one in the room and I was wondering ‘when is the doctor going to arrive?’ I just waited in the room, and no doctor would show up. Again, I woke up a little confused. For a short while, I thought to myself, maybe I was the doctor (I was a student at the time). Maybe it was my clinic, and I had many files to attend to, which also meant that there were many patients waiting outside (another anxious- ing thought). Again, after dreaming, I made very little meaning out of it and so dismissed the dream.
And now, I confront what I hate confronting the most. BIG SIGHS A KAZILLION!
I feel so much dread deep inside of me, when I think about serving in the capacity that I was trained for. It overwhelms me to the point, that I already give up any thought of it. I usually think myself not good enough or just not able.
But just as Simon, when he tried everywhere else in the water; Simon literally tried dipping his net in all places, yet yielding no fruit. Much fruit was found in the one place where Jesus told Simon to go: in the deep end.
I also take note that Simon was initially working in the dark, where no fruit was yielded. Christ brought with Himself the day (for He is the light), when Simon was able to do his work, as was instructed by Jesus.
My Father is very intentional and precise. He expects that all his children listen to His voice. He anticipates that all his children will trust Him even when going into the much deeper ends of their lives. My Father only has good things for His children and so He closes all the other doors except the one door that He wants us to walk through.
This is the lesson of my lifetime. I have no choice but to walk through with my Father. He was waiting for me all this time. He was already there. He was just waiting for me to learn how to walk. I spent a great deal of time with my Father, learning how to walk. The trials and failing moments were all steps to get me to walk into the path that He has already prepared for me.
This is no easy walk. For I battled with not only time, but such the emotional rollercoaster it actually is. I battled with self-control. I battle with faith.
What was once hidden, has now become revealed.
I now lay bare my greatest fear on the table:
Of all the things I fear the most, it was always to serve in the capacity as a doctor; a medical doctor. I look nothing like one and I certainly do not act like one. I am so far removed from this persona. I am like a child. A little girl. How can I ever fit into spaces that dealt with so much responsibility?
It is up to my Father to reveal much more. This is what was hidden that has been revealed to me.
I have no idea what the future would actually look like. I really do not know. My job was to express all that is hidden inside of me.
And this is my silent prayer written on 19. 02. 23
I learn to trust God in:
Being received into a loving home.
Feeling loved.
Being loved.
I am learning to trust God with:
My future.
I cannot see my future. But my future is with God.
It feels really difficult to think about the future, though, as I live in the present moment. I hope for a brighter future present. Usually, I feel locked away in my continuous present that it is so difficult to imagine that much brighter days are ahead of me. Usually, I feel unseen and underappreciated and disconnected from the things that I view define me. I really hope for better days and much meaningful connections to the people, places and situations.
I put my trust in God that He will create the connections to be and feel loved, valued and appreciated.
Dear Marisa,
The mountains may depart and the hill be moved, but never will my love depart from you nor my covenant of peace be removed, says Yahweh, whose compassion is for you. (Isaiah 54: 10)
Message written on 05.03.24
Marisa, I am calling you up into higher faith. I share my life with you. You are on the giving end and not on the receiving end. This is a high table that I have called you up to meet with. I share my treasures with you. I am with you, wherever you go. This is my promise that I have made with you. Fear not. Do not be dismayed. You have a higher calling on your life. You stand the test of time. I feed into you. I am preparing you for your calling. Marisa, by no means is this preparation overnight. Stay focused in all that you are to do. I am with you. You are strong.
|